The Schedule

Now then Team.

Your cuddly DS (director sportive) here.

Critical information as follows:

1. Rendezvous at St. Pancras ticket hall 11-45 am (latest) on Thursday 30th June. Good idea to bring passports

2. Train departs St. Pancras at 12-28. Sparkling conversation provided by the DS.

3. Train arrives in the capital city of the Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys at 15-50.

4. We transfer from Paris Nord to Paris Gare Lyon by luxury van at 15-55.

5. Train departs Gare Lyon at 16-38. More sparkling conversation.

6. We arrive at Grenoble (half decent rugby team – bxggxr (not much) all else) at 19-33.

7. We transfer (50km) from Grenoble to a camp site just outside Bourg D’Oisans by luxury van (hopefully a Mercedes Vito) driven in a God-like manner by a bald but perfectly formed man called Drive. We are in two “softie” tents that each sleep a family of four. They come with camp beds, bed linen, pillows and cooking facilities – bring a towel. Luxury.

8. Friday 1st July will be spent putting bikes together (unless you are called Anton or Steve – when you get Jim to do it), going for a little pootle and driving up Alpe D’Huez to register. I suggest that all passengers close their eyes on the ascent – bxxxdy (very) scary gradient.

9. Saturday 2nd July. LET’S GET READY TO RUMBLE! We kick some Garlic Munchers’ axxxs (bottoms) up their own hills.

10. Sunday 3rd July. A wonderfully comfortable transfer via luxury van back to Grenoble for a 12-05 departure. The whole team must now “Get On It” in the on-board cafe bar. A prize for the most cans of 1664 sunk before Paris.

11. Arrive Paris Gare Lyon at 15-13. Another luxury transfer to Gare Nord. Steak frites and a bloody good bottle of red (at or close to Gare Nord) – all steaks to be on the blue side of rare – no pxxfs (weaklings).

12. Depart Paris at 16-43. Head straight to the on-board bar for more 1664. Another prize for the most cans sunk before we arrive back in the capital city of God’s Own Country.

13. Arrive St. Pancras 17-59. Emotional/drunken farewells and return journeys on our rather inferior transport system to the bosoms of our long suffering families.

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